Dave's Travel Journals
Drinking Like a Fish
Ærøskøbing, Denmark
By Dave Fox
Hundreds of fish went belly-up last week after one of Denmark's largest distilleries spilled massive quantities of booze into the sea.
"The deadly alcohol wave consisted of 37,000 liters of Gammel Dansk," reported Berlingske Tidende, one of Denmark's largest newspapers.
Gammel Dansk is a strong Danish herbal liquor that vaguely resembles Jagermeister. It's an acquired taste, which I have spent many years acquiring.
According to the article in Berlingske Tidene, the clean-up team noticed a strong scent of Gammel Dansk in the water when they arrived on the scene.
Danish environmentalists are calling the accident a "tragedy."
Selfish, selfish environmentalists!!
Yes, OF COURSE it's tragic that all that alcohol was lost, but how can they worry about getting drunk at a time like this?
The fish, I imagine, must have had quite a party as they sucked all that booze through their gills. Okay, so they died in the end, but how do most fish die? Pierced through the mouth with big hooks? Convulsing in nets as they're snatched from the water? Gobbled up by bigger fish? Fish don't tend to die in nice ways. This way, they floated to the surface hiccupping, with smiles on their faces.
Dying is not high on my list of life goals, but odds are I will have to do it someday. When my time comes, I would like to be lulled into an intoxicated stupor like the Gammel Dansk fish. It sounds more peaceful than a firey crash or flesh-eating disease.
I first learned of this story last week in Norway. I was spending my free weekend between tours with my Norwegian host family. I lived with them as an exchange student when I was in high school. Among other things back in 1986, they taught me how to drink Gammel Dansk -- sipped from a shot glass with a beer chaser.
Norwegians like to go to Denmark because alcohol is affordable there. In Norway, spirits are taxed at inhumane levels. A bottle of Gammel Dansk that sells for 120 kroner (15 US dollars) in Denmark will run you 300 kroner in Norway. So you can imagine that as word of this Gammel Dansk spill reached the Norwegians, there was much excitement.
I wondered what the fish -- marinated during the accident -- would taste like if we fried them up in a light batter. Per, my Norwegian host father, had other ideas: If we could wring out the fish before cooking, might we be able to squeeze out a free bottle of liquor? It couldn't taste any worse than the cod liver oil Norwegians rely on to keep them healthy through the dark winters.
It sounds desperate, I realize, to those of you who have never had to take out a second mortgage to afford a gin and tonic. But as we sat, sipping tiny glassfuls from an overpriced bottle, the idea didn't sound so crazy.
Alas, we were up in Norway, and by now the spill had dissipated. All we could do was raise our Gammel Dansk glasses and drink a solemn toast... in memory of the fish.
The poor little guys never got their beer chaser.
 |